We're waiting for a cab to come pick us up but I wanted to get this down before I forgot.
Okay, the cabbie just called and we have 10 minutes before he gets here and he's usually early.
Tonight we went to see a friend perform and she was amazing. She truly has a gift.
During one of her songs, I was sure I saw--really saw, with my eyes--what she was singing. Not just what she was singing ABOUT, but what she was actually singing. It was amazing. And it was not the result of any hallucinogenic substances. It was the mood she created with her song and her music.
I would love to have a bar where people paint what they feel from the live music being performed. Now that would be amazing.
Kyshona Armstrong's gift is truly from God. I can feel God's presence when she sings and I feel blessed to listen to her. I hope she continues her musical ministry... I bet she is reaching more people than she even knows.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Words make the Man. (or Woman.)
There's been a lot of words tonight. Helping, challenging, encouraging, honest words. Tonight is unique in that I was able to let down my guard and actually talk about a subject that I find difficult to talk about. And once my guard was down, I was open to talk for hours. I think I learned a lot tonight... I hope that the 4 beers (I also ate a lot, so don't freak out) didn't stop my brain from absorbing the good advice I was given.
I have some advice for all my creative breathren out there: it's amazing to find someone creative to be in a relationship with. I highly recommend it. There is nothing quite like sharing ideas, stories, theories and advice with someone who knows where you're coming from.
Courage. It takes courage to do what you think you're meant to do. Maybe it seems that shouldn't be the case but there are always lots of reasons not to do something-even if you believe it's what you're meant to do. Courage is what will help you get past the doubts and the naysayers and in so deep that what you want to do--and believe is your destiny--will be as much a part of you as a limb.
Expectations. Should. Can't. These words suck. For me, they suck. These words make me think of everything I'm not and that list could go on forever. What am I going to do with that list? I think that in order beat it, I have to look at it as if it was written by an enemy instead of a well-meaning friend. I remember when my former boss took me aside one day and told me that even if I finished at the top of my game, I would only be 40% to my goal. Of course, that would be awful because it would be a significant pay decrease and would decrease my standing in the office as well. I was so pissed that his expectation of me was so low that I worked even harder and surpassed anyone in the office. I didn't realize until later that he may have manipulated me but by that time I had reaped most of the monetary benefits and I didn't really mind.
It's hard to manipulate me twice though, so I never did quite as well at the job again. I had seen what it took to do what needed to be done and I just wasn't willing to give that up again. I lasted for a few more months at that job and then it was the end for us.
So I know I have the drive, determination and willpower. I just need to find the courage inside myself to step out in Faith. Everyday I get a little stronger.
I have some advice for all my creative breathren out there: it's amazing to find someone creative to be in a relationship with. I highly recommend it. There is nothing quite like sharing ideas, stories, theories and advice with someone who knows where you're coming from.
Courage. It takes courage to do what you think you're meant to do. Maybe it seems that shouldn't be the case but there are always lots of reasons not to do something-even if you believe it's what you're meant to do. Courage is what will help you get past the doubts and the naysayers and in so deep that what you want to do--and believe is your destiny--will be as much a part of you as a limb.
Expectations. Should. Can't. These words suck. For me, they suck. These words make me think of everything I'm not and that list could go on forever. What am I going to do with that list? I think that in order beat it, I have to look at it as if it was written by an enemy instead of a well-meaning friend. I remember when my former boss took me aside one day and told me that even if I finished at the top of my game, I would only be 40% to my goal. Of course, that would be awful because it would be a significant pay decrease and would decrease my standing in the office as well. I was so pissed that his expectation of me was so low that I worked even harder and surpassed anyone in the office. I didn't realize until later that he may have manipulated me but by that time I had reaped most of the monetary benefits and I didn't really mind.
It's hard to manipulate me twice though, so I never did quite as well at the job again. I had seen what it took to do what needed to be done and I just wasn't willing to give that up again. I lasted for a few more months at that job and then it was the end for us.
So I know I have the drive, determination and willpower. I just need to find the courage inside myself to step out in Faith. Everyday I get a little stronger.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Time for a Quickie
This is going to be quick since I have a list of things to do before I lose the rest of my evening and all of my night to the Bermuda Triangle/Wormhole/Time Suck that is my current place of employment.
I was thinking today about anger. The phrase "Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry" often runs through my mind. I think it's funny and it usually gets a laugh when used in the right situation. I'm pretty sure it's from The Incredible Hulk, although I'm not sure if it's an exact quote. The point is, this phrase that I find so hilarious is from a movie (and a comic book, I know) about a man who turns into a monster when he gets angry. His anger so overtakes him that he loses himself and hurts people he would never want to hurt. The character's monster is huge and green with bulging veins, a roaring mouth and a significantly reduced vocabulary.
I can turn into a monster when I'm angry too. I'm pretty sure mine is more red in color and more like a tornado than a giant. I've been so mad before that my vision becomes blurred. The thing is, it actually feels good to let go and be mad like that. Of course, if I allow myself to totally lose control, I'm always ashamed and embarrassed once I've cooled down. It always seems to me that no matter now much I feel like someone deserved it or how righteously angry I am, I should always be in control of myself. You can never un-say something and it doesn't matter how many times you apologize or how you make amends. There are wounds that don't heal and they can be caused with words.
On the flip side is the pain that people suffer when they are afraid to get angry. I know people that never really allow themselves to get mad. Expressing one's anger in a healthy way can be very beneficial...(yeah, references? forget it.) I've learned through experience that unexpressed anger can turn inward and cause me to tear myself apart (psychically, not literally. that would be gross.) Sometimes all it takes for me is a good run or to throw and break something (not throw something at a person, I'm talking about breaking a plate in a controlled environment) to work out the angry energy so that I can think rationally again.
In a heated argument, I have been the one that completely loses control and I have also been the one that maintains control and watches as my opponent goes crazy. I can tell you which I always prefer--there's nothing quite as satisfying as watching someone you are really mad at get angry at you for staying so cool. Getting satisfaction out of another's misery is probably not totally psychologically healthy, but in the white hot heat of a serious argument, it beats doing something you'd regret. And hey, I'm not an expert and I never said I was the picture of mental health.
What about you? How do you keep your monster in check?
I was thinking today about anger. The phrase "Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry" often runs through my mind. I think it's funny and it usually gets a laugh when used in the right situation. I'm pretty sure it's from The Incredible Hulk, although I'm not sure if it's an exact quote. The point is, this phrase that I find so hilarious is from a movie (and a comic book, I know) about a man who turns into a monster when he gets angry. His anger so overtakes him that he loses himself and hurts people he would never want to hurt. The character's monster is huge and green with bulging veins, a roaring mouth and a significantly reduced vocabulary.
I can turn into a monster when I'm angry too. I'm pretty sure mine is more red in color and more like a tornado than a giant. I've been so mad before that my vision becomes blurred. The thing is, it actually feels good to let go and be mad like that. Of course, if I allow myself to totally lose control, I'm always ashamed and embarrassed once I've cooled down. It always seems to me that no matter now much I feel like someone deserved it or how righteously angry I am, I should always be in control of myself. You can never un-say something and it doesn't matter how many times you apologize or how you make amends. There are wounds that don't heal and they can be caused with words.
On the flip side is the pain that people suffer when they are afraid to get angry. I know people that never really allow themselves to get mad. Expressing one's anger in a healthy way can be very beneficial...(yeah, references? forget it.) I've learned through experience that unexpressed anger can turn inward and cause me to tear myself apart (psychically, not literally. that would be gross.) Sometimes all it takes for me is a good run or to throw and break something (not throw something at a person, I'm talking about breaking a plate in a controlled environment) to work out the angry energy so that I can think rationally again.
In a heated argument, I have been the one that completely loses control and I have also been the one that maintains control and watches as my opponent goes crazy. I can tell you which I always prefer--there's nothing quite as satisfying as watching someone you are really mad at get angry at you for staying so cool. Getting satisfaction out of another's misery is probably not totally psychologically healthy, but in the white hot heat of a serious argument, it beats doing something you'd regret. And hey, I'm not an expert and I never said I was the picture of mental health.
What about you? How do you keep your monster in check?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Next 20 Minutes
Alright, I missed yesterday. The clock starts back at Zero. Not much I could do about it though... I was traveling and then on a date! It really does seem that there is not enough time in the day. Actually, anyone who knows me that just read that sentence has got to be cracking up--I'm not the most efficient person in the world, although I can put it into gear and get my stuff done when I need to.
Anyway. I had a list of things I could write about today but I'm going to scrap it. I'm such a rebel. Instead I'm going to write about wasting time and is Wasted Time Really Wasted?
I could probably write for 3 hours on the ways to waste time on the internet but that would actually be a waste, so I won't. There are already articles written on how much time people waste at work so I won't worry about quantity. How about the gray areas? Like naps or Facebook?
Naps, I've been happily learning, are not as much a waste as I once thought. Apparently, sleeping more can help you lose weight! And improve brain functions like reflexes, memory, problem solving skills and chipperness. (Sorry, no references... you'll just have to trust me.) I know for me, a 1 hour nap which could be used job hunting will actually enable me to stay up until 3am today and allow me to be a--mostly--happy and attentive bartender for 8 hours. Of course the argument could be made that that time might be better spent looking for a job that will help me get out of bartending, but listen people, these bills aren't going to pay themselves. I tried that when I was 19--it didn't work out so well for me. So besides making me happier, my landlord also appreciates my napping.
Facebook is a notorious time waster in the workplace, it's true. I know it's true because companies have spent money to find out why productivity is low and articles have been written about that also. (What's a reference?) I can't say that I've seen it in action though, because for me, Facebook is more like work. I have friends all over the country and keeping up with what's going on in their lives is very demanding. Not to mention emotionally draining--looking at pictures of all the fun my friends are having in their lives sometimes makes me wish I was doing what they're doing which causes hours of introspection--where is my life going? what am I doing? what is my plan? why didn't I go teach English in Japan?--after which I have to build myself back up and convince myself that I am exactly where God wants me to be right now. (Naps help with that too--see above paragraph.)
My biggest time waster? Computer solitaire. I have to play until I win and once I win and I'm in the black (I play with Vegas standards) I want to keep playing. It's compulsive. I need help. I'll think about that during my nap that I'm about to take to make me a better bartender.
Anyway. I had a list of things I could write about today but I'm going to scrap it. I'm such a rebel. Instead I'm going to write about wasting time and is Wasted Time Really Wasted?
I could probably write for 3 hours on the ways to waste time on the internet but that would actually be a waste, so I won't. There are already articles written on how much time people waste at work so I won't worry about quantity. How about the gray areas? Like naps or Facebook?
Naps, I've been happily learning, are not as much a waste as I once thought. Apparently, sleeping more can help you lose weight! And improve brain functions like reflexes, memory, problem solving skills and chipperness. (Sorry, no references... you'll just have to trust me.) I know for me, a 1 hour nap which could be used job hunting will actually enable me to stay up until 3am today and allow me to be a--mostly--happy and attentive bartender for 8 hours. Of course the argument could be made that that time might be better spent looking for a job that will help me get out of bartending, but listen people, these bills aren't going to pay themselves. I tried that when I was 19--it didn't work out so well for me. So besides making me happier, my landlord also appreciates my napping.
Facebook is a notorious time waster in the workplace, it's true. I know it's true because companies have spent money to find out why productivity is low and articles have been written about that also. (What's a reference?) I can't say that I've seen it in action though, because for me, Facebook is more like work. I have friends all over the country and keeping up with what's going on in their lives is very demanding. Not to mention emotionally draining--looking at pictures of all the fun my friends are having in their lives sometimes makes me wish I was doing what they're doing which causes hours of introspection--where is my life going? what am I doing? what is my plan? why didn't I go teach English in Japan?--after which I have to build myself back up and convince myself that I am exactly where God wants me to be right now. (Naps help with that too--see above paragraph.)
My biggest time waster? Computer solitaire. I have to play until I win and once I win and I'm in the black (I play with Vegas standards) I want to keep playing. It's compulsive. I need help. I'll think about that during my nap that I'm about to take to make me a better bartender.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The First 20 Minutes
So I've made this deal with myself that for the next 21 days I will write for 20 mins a day. Now that I think about it, that is an awful long time and I promise I'm not going to have 20 mins worth of rattling on here on this page... considering I type what I'm thinking in a stream-of-consciousness style and I type probably 80 wpm (it's been a long time since I've timed myself), that would equal about, well, 2000 pages or so. I can safely predict that I would do that once. And I would like to apologize to anyone reading this for the next 21 days. This isn't for you. It's for me. According to research (that I didn't do and don't have on hand to reference) it takes 21 days to create a habit. And unlike many other habits I have, this is one I want to develop and keep. So set the timer, boys. Here we go.
I've been watching a lot of TV lately (see: habits I want to STOP immediately.) Although most TV is crap (with a few exceptions that have made my life better for having seen them, like The Office. And Justified. And The Soup) I just finished watching a special Behind the Scenes Look at SNL. This show has been on longer than I've been alive which, in this age of perpetual youth, is a very long time. Most of the actors that were on the show are still alive, with a few very notable tragedies. The interviews with current and former cast and crew were amazing. The special was 2 hours long (1 hour, 11 mins w/o commercials, thank you DVR) but I could have sat and watched it all day long.
I got so nostalgic that I thought my heart would burst out of my chest when I saw Billy Joel performing We Didn't Start the Fire live. He was so young. He was thin and beautiful and probably doped out of his mind, but so vibrant. As the song played, a montage of all the stories from Weekend Update played over it so that the events in the song coincided with news events over time. Those montages always get me. History condensed into 3 minutes and 40 seconds. How much life was lived in the 40 years spanned in that song? I was a kid when that song came out and it had very little meaning to me then. I got the Cola Wars reference--or thought I did--but I didn't understand the old guys saying "I remember when [that] happened." Sadly, now I do. A brand new song complete with montage could be written about the 20 years since.
With so much awareness of the world these days, it seems history is being made every second. Technology is advancing almost faster than we can keep up with it. Actually, I think the only people who can really keep up with it are the people creating it... until it gets away from even them. There is a big part of me that longs to be in the midst of all this creation chaos. I want to be thrown back into the Golden Age of SNL and feel the history and power of this comedic institution. But then I think of what Lorne Michaels said "Everyone talks about the Golden Age and I was there, it wasn't so golden."
So I have to be happy with where I am right now in this moment. That doesn't mean that I can't plan for the future or hide myself away in a box to keep the longing at bay, but that I have to live each moment now because they are fading so fast soon it could all just be a montage.
Morose. Maudlin. Resigned. Sad sack. These are the words that came to mind as soon as I wrote that last sentence. I need to read www.damnyouautocorrect.com again. My time is almost up. (my 20 mins I mean... those 5 words could be interpreted any which way and particularly negatively on the heels of the first 5 words of this paragraph.)
What if instead of feeling like I've already missed out on something, I actively seek out my own future montage? What if I sign up to be a history creator instead of a reader and observer? Maybe that will be the subject of my next 20 mins.
I've been watching a lot of TV lately (see: habits I want to STOP immediately.) Although most TV is crap (with a few exceptions that have made my life better for having seen them, like The Office. And Justified. And The Soup) I just finished watching a special Behind the Scenes Look at SNL. This show has been on longer than I've been alive which, in this age of perpetual youth, is a very long time. Most of the actors that were on the show are still alive, with a few very notable tragedies. The interviews with current and former cast and crew were amazing. The special was 2 hours long (1 hour, 11 mins w/o commercials, thank you DVR) but I could have sat and watched it all day long.
I got so nostalgic that I thought my heart would burst out of my chest when I saw Billy Joel performing We Didn't Start the Fire live. He was so young. He was thin and beautiful and probably doped out of his mind, but so vibrant. As the song played, a montage of all the stories from Weekend Update played over it so that the events in the song coincided with news events over time. Those montages always get me. History condensed into 3 minutes and 40 seconds. How much life was lived in the 40 years spanned in that song? I was a kid when that song came out and it had very little meaning to me then. I got the Cola Wars reference--or thought I did--but I didn't understand the old guys saying "I remember when [that] happened." Sadly, now I do. A brand new song complete with montage could be written about the 20 years since.
With so much awareness of the world these days, it seems history is being made every second. Technology is advancing almost faster than we can keep up with it. Actually, I think the only people who can really keep up with it are the people creating it... until it gets away from even them. There is a big part of me that longs to be in the midst of all this creation chaos. I want to be thrown back into the Golden Age of SNL and feel the history and power of this comedic institution. But then I think of what Lorne Michaels said "Everyone talks about the Golden Age and I was there, it wasn't so golden."
So I have to be happy with where I am right now in this moment. That doesn't mean that I can't plan for the future or hide myself away in a box to keep the longing at bay, but that I have to live each moment now because they are fading so fast soon it could all just be a montage.
Morose. Maudlin. Resigned. Sad sack. These are the words that came to mind as soon as I wrote that last sentence. I need to read www.damnyouautocorrect.com again. My time is almost up. (my 20 mins I mean... those 5 words could be interpreted any which way and particularly negatively on the heels of the first 5 words of this paragraph.)
What if instead of feeling like I've already missed out on something, I actively seek out my own future montage? What if I sign up to be a history creator instead of a reader and observer? Maybe that will be the subject of my next 20 mins.
Friday, January 28, 2011
To Get What You've Never Had, You Must Do What You've Never Done.
It's Friday!
That doesn't mean much when you're unemployed. I'm chuckling at myself because it sounds like I'm depressed but really, it's true. Everyday can be Friday. The best part about a real Friday though is that all my employed friends can now play with me.
At the beginning of this month I was inspired to blog about everyday on the Daniel Fast. As you can see, I haven't done that. I am excellent at starting projects and awful at finishing them. It's the Gemini in me... wait, now I'm a Taurus! Why won't the stars tell me who I am?? How will I know what to expect from myself?! (yeah, just kidding.)
I refuse to say that I AM a procrastinator because that implies that it's part of my makeup and not easily changed. I will say instead that there is a procrastinator part of me that doesn't like change, no matter how good it could be, and digs in and holds on to whatever situation I find myself in at the moment. I don't like this procrastinator part. It makes me feel bad about myself and whatever I have going on in my life at the moment I encounter it. The procrastinator needs to be excised. But where is it? I hope it's in the fat on my thighs and stomach. That would just be another reason why I should be in the pool right now instead of procrastinating in front of my computer.
All this to say: Things are going well. I need to focus on the positive so as to activate the motivated side of me which must be residing in the atrophying muscles in my legs and arms (until a couple weeks ago, it had been a while since I was physically active in any mentionable way.)
So. Positives: the Daniel Fast has been going well. It's almost the end of the month and it's been difficult. I may have cheated a few times with evaporated cane sugar but it was the Fast that led me to find a healthier sweetener than evil white sugar so I'll still count that as a win.
*I've been swimming pretty regularly and am falling back in love with it. I actually have to make myself stop swimming and get out of the pool. It's awesome.
*I bought a couple of kettlebells and as soon as I get into some sort of a routine in the morning, I'm going to add them in. I have a workout DVD from Jillian Michaels that scares me. I can't wait.
*I've been experimenting with vegan cooking and while I don't think I can make it a permanent lifestyle change, I can definitely incorporate more vegan meals into my life.
*I'm having fun swimming, kettlebell-ing, bellydancing and have just added swing dancing to my activities and I'm keeping an eye on the triathlon coming up in June. I want to be in great shape for this--I need to shave an hour off of my time!
*I may have started a new business... I'm still working out a few things before I want to go really really public with it (so both of you that read this, keep quiet for now) but I think it will be very good in the long run.
*Things with the boy are going well. There are some speedbumps but definitely less than any other relationship I've ever been in. He's pretty awesome.
That worked. I find myself remembering a saying on a wall somewhere: In order to get the things you've never had, you have to first do the things you've never done. After Googling that quote to make sure it's correct, I found this: "Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not." (Thomas Huxley.)
And I'm off to do it.
That doesn't mean much when you're unemployed. I'm chuckling at myself because it sounds like I'm depressed but really, it's true. Everyday can be Friday. The best part about a real Friday though is that all my employed friends can now play with me.
At the beginning of this month I was inspired to blog about everyday on the Daniel Fast. As you can see, I haven't done that. I am excellent at starting projects and awful at finishing them. It's the Gemini in me... wait, now I'm a Taurus! Why won't the stars tell me who I am?? How will I know what to expect from myself?! (yeah, just kidding.)
I refuse to say that I AM a procrastinator because that implies that it's part of my makeup and not easily changed. I will say instead that there is a procrastinator part of me that doesn't like change, no matter how good it could be, and digs in and holds on to whatever situation I find myself in at the moment. I don't like this procrastinator part. It makes me feel bad about myself and whatever I have going on in my life at the moment I encounter it. The procrastinator needs to be excised. But where is it? I hope it's in the fat on my thighs and stomach. That would just be another reason why I should be in the pool right now instead of procrastinating in front of my computer.
All this to say: Things are going well. I need to focus on the positive so as to activate the motivated side of me which must be residing in the atrophying muscles in my legs and arms (until a couple weeks ago, it had been a while since I was physically active in any mentionable way.)
So. Positives: the Daniel Fast has been going well. It's almost the end of the month and it's been difficult. I may have cheated a few times with evaporated cane sugar but it was the Fast that led me to find a healthier sweetener than evil white sugar so I'll still count that as a win.
*I've been swimming pretty regularly and am falling back in love with it. I actually have to make myself stop swimming and get out of the pool. It's awesome.
*I bought a couple of kettlebells and as soon as I get into some sort of a routine in the morning, I'm going to add them in. I have a workout DVD from Jillian Michaels that scares me. I can't wait.
*I've been experimenting with vegan cooking and while I don't think I can make it a permanent lifestyle change, I can definitely incorporate more vegan meals into my life.
*I'm having fun swimming, kettlebell-ing, bellydancing and have just added swing dancing to my activities and I'm keeping an eye on the triathlon coming up in June. I want to be in great shape for this--I need to shave an hour off of my time!
*I may have started a new business... I'm still working out a few things before I want to go really really public with it (so both of you that read this, keep quiet for now) but I think it will be very good in the long run.
*Things with the boy are going well. There are some speedbumps but definitely less than any other relationship I've ever been in. He's pretty awesome.
That worked. I find myself remembering a saying on a wall somewhere: In order to get the things you've never had, you have to first do the things you've never done. After Googling that quote to make sure it's correct, I found this: "Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not." (Thomas Huxley.)
And I'm off to do it.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Stuck.
So we've been stuck inside since Sunday night when it started snowing. It was beautiful and dangerous... I drove to my boyfriend's house at 1130pm after work. It had only been snowing an hour and already there were cars abandoned in ditches on either side of the bridge I had to cross to get here. The snow was so much fun to play in on Monday! We tried to go sledding--too much ice, made unmentionable snow creations (and tackled them), had snowball fights and generally had a great day.
But now it's Wednesday and I'm seriously going stir-crazy. I have a car with 4-wheel drive but there is still a lot of ice on the road and I wasn't clairvoyant enough to know that I would need snow chains this winter.
A major downfall of being stuck inside all day: online shopping. Seriously. I'm going to have to put my computer--all the computers, I can be pretty sneaky--under lock and key. So far I've bought:
1. Kettlebells
2. Kettlebell workout DVD
3. Perfume
4. A facial (it was one of those huge discount things)
5. A doggie spa day (another discount thing)
6. Sephora.
And I think that's it... I hope I'm not forgetting something. That's a couple hundred dollars right there. Yikes. Now I'm scaring myself. There's still the matter of food, gas and bills. And rent is about to go through.
So that's enough of that. I've been doing really well on my fast, so far. It's been a lot harder this year than in previous years. I don't have my good friend that also fasts to talk to as often, or maybe it's because I'm not shut away like I was last year when I was single and in cocoon-mode. Whatever the reason, I'm still praying daily that God will give me strength. I'm going to need to pray for the willpower to resist spending money when there is nothing else to do... (I just re-read that sentence and thought AMEN!!)
Well, here's to another week of trying to control myself in diet, impulses and willpower.
God give me strength.
But now it's Wednesday and I'm seriously going stir-crazy. I have a car with 4-wheel drive but there is still a lot of ice on the road and I wasn't clairvoyant enough to know that I would need snow chains this winter.
A major downfall of being stuck inside all day: online shopping. Seriously. I'm going to have to put my computer--all the computers, I can be pretty sneaky--under lock and key. So far I've bought:
1. Kettlebells
2. Kettlebell workout DVD
3. Perfume
4. A facial (it was one of those huge discount things)
5. A doggie spa day (another discount thing)
6. Sephora.
And I think that's it... I hope I'm not forgetting something. That's a couple hundred dollars right there. Yikes. Now I'm scaring myself. There's still the matter of food, gas and bills. And rent is about to go through.
So that's enough of that. I've been doing really well on my fast, so far. It's been a lot harder this year than in previous years. I don't have my good friend that also fasts to talk to as often, or maybe it's because I'm not shut away like I was last year when I was single and in cocoon-mode. Whatever the reason, I'm still praying daily that God will give me strength. I'm going to need to pray for the willpower to resist spending money when there is nothing else to do... (I just re-read that sentence and thought AMEN!!)
Well, here's to another week of trying to control myself in diet, impulses and willpower.
God give me strength.
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