So I've made this deal with myself that for the next 21 days I will write for 20 mins a day. Now that I think about it, that is an awful long time and I promise I'm not going to have 20 mins worth of rattling on here on this page... considering I type what I'm thinking in a stream-of-consciousness style and I type probably 80 wpm (it's been a long time since I've timed myself), that would equal about, well, 2000 pages or so. I can safely predict that I would do that once. And I would like to apologize to anyone reading this for the next 21 days. This isn't for you. It's for me. According to research (that I didn't do and don't have on hand to reference) it takes 21 days to create a habit. And unlike many other habits I have, this is one I want to develop and keep. So set the timer, boys. Here we go.
I've been watching a lot of TV lately (see: habits I want to STOP immediately.) Although most TV is crap (with a few exceptions that have made my life better for having seen them, like The Office. And Justified. And The Soup) I just finished watching a special Behind the Scenes Look at SNL. This show has been on longer than I've been alive which, in this age of perpetual youth, is a very long time. Most of the actors that were on the show are still alive, with a few very notable tragedies. The interviews with current and former cast and crew were amazing. The special was 2 hours long (1 hour, 11 mins w/o commercials, thank you DVR) but I could have sat and watched it all day long.
I got so nostalgic that I thought my heart would burst out of my chest when I saw Billy Joel performing We Didn't Start the Fire live. He was so young. He was thin and beautiful and probably doped out of his mind, but so vibrant. As the song played, a montage of all the stories from Weekend Update played over it so that the events in the song coincided with news events over time. Those montages always get me. History condensed into 3 minutes and 40 seconds. How much life was lived in the 40 years spanned in that song? I was a kid when that song came out and it had very little meaning to me then. I got the Cola Wars reference--or thought I did--but I didn't understand the old guys saying "I remember when [that] happened." Sadly, now I do. A brand new song complete with montage could be written about the 20 years since.
With so much awareness of the world these days, it seems history is being made every second. Technology is advancing almost faster than we can keep up with it. Actually, I think the only people who can really keep up with it are the people creating it... until it gets away from even them. There is a big part of me that longs to be in the midst of all this creation chaos. I want to be thrown back into the Golden Age of SNL and feel the history and power of this comedic institution. But then I think of what Lorne Michaels said "Everyone talks about the Golden Age and I was there, it wasn't so golden."
So I have to be happy with where I am right now in this moment. That doesn't mean that I can't plan for the future or hide myself away in a box to keep the longing at bay, but that I have to live each moment now because they are fading so fast soon it could all just be a montage.
Morose. Maudlin. Resigned. Sad sack. These are the words that came to mind as soon as I wrote that last sentence. I need to read www.damnyouautocorrect.com again. My time is almost up. (my 20 mins I mean... those 5 words could be interpreted any which way and particularly negatively on the heels of the first 5 words of this paragraph.)
What if instead of feeling like I've already missed out on something, I actively seek out my own future montage? What if I sign up to be a history creator instead of a reader and observer? Maybe that will be the subject of my next 20 mins.
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