Words make the Man. (or Woman.)

There's been a lot of words tonight. Helping, challenging, encouraging, honest words. Tonight is unique in that I was able to let down my guard and actually talk about a subject that I find difficult to talk about. And once my guard was down, I was open to talk for hours. I think I learned a lot tonight... I hope that the 4 beers (I also ate a lot, so don't freak out) didn't stop my brain from absorbing the good advice I was given.

I have some advice for all my creative breathren out there: it's amazing to find someone creative to be in a relationship with. I highly recommend it. There is nothing quite like sharing ideas, stories, theories and advice with someone who knows where you're coming from.

Courage. It takes courage to do what you think you're meant to do. Maybe it seems that shouldn't be the case but there are always lots of reasons not to do something-even if you believe it's what you're meant to do. Courage is what will help you get past the doubts and the naysayers and in so deep that what you want to do--and believe is your destiny--will be as much a part of you as a limb.

Expectations. Should. Can't. These words suck. For me, they suck. These words make me think of everything I'm not and that list could go on forever. What am I going to do with that list? I think that in order beat it, I have to look at it as if it was written by an enemy instead of a well-meaning friend. I remember when my former boss took me aside one day and told me that even if I finished at the top of my game, I would only be 40% to my goal. Of course, that would be awful because it would be a significant pay decrease and would decrease my standing in the office as well. I was so pissed that his expectation of me was so low that I worked even harder and surpassed anyone in the office. I didn't realize until later that he may have manipulated me but by that time I had reaped most of the monetary benefits and I didn't really mind.

It's hard to manipulate me twice though, so I never did quite as well at the job again. I had seen what it took to do what needed to be done and I just wasn't willing to give that up again. I lasted for a few more months at that job and then it was the end for us.

So I know I have the drive, determination and willpower. I just need to find the courage inside myself to step out in Faith. Everyday I get a little stronger.